I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
