I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
