im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
They are going to name an STD after you.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
