I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
