She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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