When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
