so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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