Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.