The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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