just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Damn victory sex feels great