how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
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i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
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It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.