Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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