I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything