Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot