i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
