I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
