i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
this boner is exhausting
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
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