This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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