If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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