It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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