Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
