he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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