i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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