Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
