I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She even gives head with a lisp.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
