Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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