I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
