His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
