where am i from again
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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