Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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