dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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