i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
