I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
and you fell through a lawn chair
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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