I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
