OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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