I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Boobs speak an international language.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
