4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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