Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
