saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
