what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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