Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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