Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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