I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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