my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
