Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
