Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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