So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
