It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
