I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
