ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
