I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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