i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
