drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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