pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
she smelled like a LAN party
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
