think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
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i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
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You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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