He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize