You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
