My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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