I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
