i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
