3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
