you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
