Having a random hookup so left but love u
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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