no, he came in my armpit
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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