i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
