Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
