girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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