Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
