He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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