dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
