Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
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