Kiss
Puke
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
