Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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