Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
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besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
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Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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