Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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