those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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