i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
