I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
