woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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