i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
