So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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