Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
