SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just invented taco cereal.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
