This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
