Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize