I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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