Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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